How’s that for counterintuitive? Before I explain myself, let me just get the easy part out of the way:
Of course, social dancing is an awesome hobby for extroverts! I mean, what could be better? Meeting tons of new people doing an active social hobby that, by its very nature, encourages you to circulate around the room and interact with as many new people as possible. Extroverts, the dance floor is calling your name!
All right, but before I scare away every member of my intended audience, let’s circle back to my opening assertion. Social dancing is an excellent hobby for introverts, and I wholeheartedly stand by my statement. Why? Because I’m an introvert.
Before you say: “Hold on, Sarah Catherine, I see you out dancing, socializing with everyone around the room,” let me explain! I am able to SEEM extroverted, in part, because social dancing gives my inner introvert nature a helping hand. I have learned, over time, through practice and repetition, how to navigate my introvert instincts and move toward being more social; the good news is that being social is a muscle memory skill, just like dancing. The more you do it, the easier it is!
Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not here touting social dance as a “cure” for introversion. I know that introverts aren’t actually looking for a dramatic social turn-around and I’m not advocating for introverts to undergo some sort of conversion to become extroverts. I am here to say that social dancing is a lovely hobby for introverts to enjoy, and that they will find it can fit nicely into an introvert’s social life and comfort zone.
Obviously, if you’re an introvert who is perfectly happy living a hermit-like existence inside your home, of course, have at it! You certainly don’t need my insights to bolster your commitment to the homebody lifestyle. But in my experience, most introverts do want some measure of social contact and interaction. It’s just hard to find what we’re looking for without feeling shoved into a nerve-wracking world of expected friendliness. If you’re like me, you find that most social situations end up being places where people expect us to act like extroverts.
In my experience, social dancing is a flexible enough interactional space that an introvert can find just the right balance of positive inter-personal connection without the bombardment of social pressure overload. First off, social dancing is a fun and engaging medium of interaction, it’s enjoyable to do in the same way as a game, puzzle or sport, and by setting out to learn it, you automatically have something in common with a bunch of other people who enjoy it; social dancing comes with a built-in sense of “we’re all in the same boat.” Even before you’ve been officially introduced to someone new, you and your co-hobbyists have shared experiences, a shared specialty language, and a go-to topic of conversation. One of the most stomach-churning worries of finding yourself in an awkward social situation is the dreaded: “But what will we talk about?” When you do find yourself thrust together with a fellow social dancer in a situation where you feel like you should be talking, you can default to discussing your favorite shared hobby.
But conversation is not a big part of the social dancing hobby, and that’s one of the great advantages of social dancing for introverts. When you’re dancing with someone, there is no pressure to talk. In fact, most people prefer NOT to talk while they’re dancing because multi-tasking conversation with dancing makes them lose the mental thread of the moves they’re trying to do. You get to meet and dance with a bunch of different people throughout the night, and you don’t HAVE TO make conversation with a single one of them. Of course, if you actually WANT to have a conversation, there are opportunities to do so, but it’s not necessary. Social dance events are like having a “volume” dial for conversation frequency; you can turn it up if you want to chat with people and turn it down if you just want to dance and not talk.
Social dance events are also much more chill than the “meet market” singles scene. Lots of people come to social dance events just because they love to dance, and not because they’re looking for a date (read more in my article: “Why partner dancing is the best hobby for single people“). Sometimes dance party attendees are married (or otherwise romantically attached), but they are independently interested in dancing, and so they show up to events without their spouses. Sometimes they’re at the event WITH their spouse, but enjoy being part of the partner switching cycle, dancing with a variety of people all night. Sometimes they are single, but simply dance-focused and not interested in meeting anyone. If you’re single and looking, you probably will eventually find opportunities to date people you meet while social dancing, but that’s all completely up to you. No one will think it’s strange if you show up to dance and aren’t interested in dating.
Another “customizable” feature of a social dancing hobby for introverts is finding opportunities for friendship. Again, if you’re not interested in making new friends and just want to dance, no one will think it’s peculiar. But if you’d be game for a small social gathering on occasion, you will find those opportunities as you meet more and more people at dance events. A lot of introverts prefer small intimate gatherings with just a few friends over a big “mix & mingle” affair. Slowly-but-surely, if you do want to chat with people and have conversations, you will eventually get to know some people, and they will invite you to small gatherings that might just be up your alley. And, of course, if you get any invitations that are too extrovert-oriented for your liking, you have the perfect excuse not to go… you’re too busy dancing somewhere else!
Social dance events will present a few small challenges for the average introvert. The initial approach, for instance, going up to a stranger and asking them to dance, will feel a little outside the introvert’s comfort zone, until you realize that it’s pretty much the lowest-stakes social approach you can make. Everyone in attendance at your social dance is there to dance. Unless they are taking a break, or don’t know the dance that fits the song being played, chances are, if they aren’t currently dancing, they WANT to be dancing. 99% of the time, when I approach a person to ask for a dance, they accept, and the other one percent of the time they have a legitimate reason to decline (such as taking a break, resting an injury, or having promised the next dance to someone else specific), in which case I just move on to the next person. Sometimes I do that quite literally, I treat the room like a big circle and move further along the circle after each dance to ask a new person; it also helps keep from getting stuck in the same corner of the dance floor all night. I also motivate myself to ask more people to dance by imagining that they might be introverts and/or uncertain beginners, and by taking the initiative to ask, I’m helping them enjoy dancing more. One of my main motivations in life is helping more people enjoy dancing more often!
Dance events also afford the introvert a lot of time flexibility. You can go to a dance event for as long or as short as you want to be there. Go early, go late, stay the whole time, or leave whenever your social interaction cup is full. Dance events are open arrival and open exit. At some types of social events, you have to commit to a particular block of time. You sit there wondering when it will be over, or if it’s okay to leave early. At social dances, it’s completely up to you. People arrive and leave on a rolling basis. Get as much or as little social time as you want!
If you’re an introvert getting started learning social dance styles, be cautious about group classes. A well-run group class conducted before a dance social can be a great primer for the evening ahead. Good group classes will cycle partners regularly so you’re always dancing with someone new. A good group class teacher will have you dance the pattern taught in class, thank your partner, and then move on to the next person, again and again and again. It is a good way to meet a lot of the people you’ll be dancing with later in the evening. However, group classes can also be a complete disaster. Poorly managed partner-switching can create a bad environment where you don’t meet many people and don’t learn much, or where you get stuck with the same person the whole time. Group class go awry when the instructor doesn’t do a good job of “reading the room” in terms of dance skills, and ends up piling on crazy advanced stuff that most of the attendees can’t follow. Good group classes can have a lot of the same advantages for introverts as a good dance party does, but bad group classes can leave you socially-overloaded and more confused than when you started. The best way to get started learning as a beginner, or to advance your skills as an experienced dancer, is to find a personal lesson teacher who will work with you individually. Not only is this the most efficient way to learn, but working one-on-one with a trusted teacher is a better “stepping stone” for introverts wanting to enter the world of social dancing. A good personal lesson teacher will become a trusted dance confidant who can help you explore your new hobby in a way that does not fry your social circuits.
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